Barsexuality is the new black.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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