So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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