Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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