I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
