Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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