I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
can u get pink eye on your cock?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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