Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
