I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
too bad you live with your parents still
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
