i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
