theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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