R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All the doctor said was why
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
