Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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