i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
