tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
foreskin is a definite game changer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
