You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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