I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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