We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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