found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize