I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
