Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
