this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
