How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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