It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
