omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
