If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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