Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
