You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He has the fingertips of a God
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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