I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i have two assholes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
