maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
