also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
