This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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