yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
