Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
