Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
