i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
