Define "chronic" masturbator.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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