last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize