Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
