There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
