Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
