Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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