this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
