dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
