College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I smell like Dick and happiness
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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