Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
