Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
