the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
