We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
