u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
