I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
