Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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