Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
