the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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