Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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