the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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