she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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