So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
