Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
