AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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