you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize