i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
