I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
