i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
